During Apple’s Q2 2014 earnings call, Apple assured the public that it was still raking in boatloads of cash. In fact, Apple announced quarterly sales of $45.6 billion with a net profit of a whopping $10.6 billion, beating analyst predictions of $43.5 billion in sales. Majority of the income comes from the sales of 43.7 million iPhones, 16 million iPads, and 4 million Macs during Q2 2014. By comparison, Wall Street previously predicted iPhone sales of 38.5 million phones for the quarter.

Additionally, Apple announced that its stock will split 7-for-1 on June 9th to make the stock more accessible to investors. All current Apple shareholders will receive six additional shares come this June. These shares will each be worth 1/7th of the share’s price.

Though no details were given about new Apple products during today’s call, Tim Cook announced that Angela Ahrendts will be joining Apple next week as the company’s retail chief to lead both retail sales and brick-and-mortar sales. Ahrendts previously held the CEO position at Burberry, the high-end, English clothing company. Apple has been looking to fill this position since John Bowett, Apple’s previous retail chief, was axed in October of 2012.

These announcements have caused Apple’s stock price to rise over 8% in after hours trading today, April 23rd. This comes after Apple’s stock closed with a loss of 1.31%.

APPLE IS DOOMED. Clearly.

Image Source: Tracy Olson