Want to see phones dropped, skipped across a floor and drowned for your viewing pleasure? Have no fear Square Trade is here. The results may surprise you. Well, either that, or Square Trade needs a lesson in torture testing phones.

As it turns out, no phones were harmed during the filming of this video. Wait. What?

Seriously Square Trade, where’s the fire? Maybe we should start a kickstarter campaign to get Michael Bay to do torture test videos.

Oh, and PSA… Don’t try this shit at home. No, we’re not paying for your broken phone, so don’t start sending emails.